Memories of Music

I just sat down at my laptop to work on some revisions for a story I've been working on. I wanted to listen to some music while I worked and since I edit better when I'm listening to classical music, I started looking up artists on spotify that my mom used to play around the house. Eventually, I stumbled upon David Lanz's album Beloved.

I don't have specific memories associated with this album, but I actually started tearing up when the first track started because it sounded like home. I can listen to that album and I remember cold fall and winter nights at my home in Ohio and I remember sitting in the kitchen as I talked to my mom and she made dinner and I remember doing the dishes and staring at the large window above the sink as snowflakes drifted down to earth.

And that was all in the first track.

I don't know what it is about certain songs and certain CDs, but they have the power to take me straight back home immediately, even though I live on the other side of the country now.

A Few Words on Feminism

Okay, so maybe it's been nearly a year since I last updated my blog. And maybe some very significant life-changing events have occurred in my life. One day, I'll talk about those, but right now, I want to say a couple things about feminism. This is most for me. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I think it's time to put my thoughts on paper (er...screen?) and articulate how I feel about feminism.

So let's cut to the chase: I identify as a feminist. The funny thing is, feminism is a BROAD term. It means lots of different things to lots of different people, and I'm well aware that there are other feminists who probably disagree fundamentally with the things I'm going to say--but that's okay. Seriously. It's okay. I don't mind that other people might disagree with me. This is how I feel and because I'm a person (and a daughter of God) that makes how I feel important.

At least to me.

I know most of the people who read this blog are family and friends, so most of you already know that I come from a family of MANY women. I have five sisters and one fantastic sister-in-law. I have a (super-duper-awesome) mother, and I have aunts, and I have a grandma, and I have three beautiful nieces (which isn't to say that I love my nephews any less than my nieces). And on top of all that, I'm also a woman.

And being a woman, well, it rocks. I LOVE being a woman and I love the perspective I have on life, the universe, and everything because I'm a woman. Spoiler alert: men and women are different. From our biology to the way we process things around us, we're different. The perspective I have on things as woman differs from the perspective my husband, my dad, and my brother have. And that's okay--in fact, I'd go so far as to say that's awesome. I don't want everyone to see things the exact same way I do. For one, it'd make for incredibly boring conversation.

But here's the crux, people. Just because we see things, feel things, experience things differently doesn't make what I feel as a woman any less important than what a man feels as a man.

Sadly, I don't think society agrees with me on this one. Oh, they'll say that we have gender equality and that women and men have the same opportunities in life and that women aren't objectified in our culture, but they're wrong. I'm just gonna go ahead and say that. People who think we don't have sexism issues in our society are flat out wrong.

Last night, my husband and I went on a walk, during which we discussed feminism and during what he said that he really doesn't get feminism. He said that he doesn't understand why the movement seems to attack men and the patriarchy so much and that he would understand it much more if it were trying to promote positive images of everyone.

And that confused me a little, because while I understand that there are some feminists who do attack (rhetorically, usually, rather than physically) men, in my mind, feminism is trying to create positive images of everyone. Feminism is about expecting everyone to be better. It's about holding ourselves to a higher standard where we don't disregard the opinions or feelings of one group of people just because they're different than ourselves.

After our walk, we watched Man in the Iron Mask together off Netflix. Brian had never heard of the movie and I had vague recollections of watching it once when I was about ten. The movie was entertaining enough, if a bit cheesy, but as I watched, I started to get uncomfortable. In the film, there are two named female characters as opposed to the (at least) six named male characters. There are plenty of other women in the movie, of course, but every one of those women who has anything more than a few seconds of screen time is there for the sexual pleasure of a male character.

And it seemed to me that of the two named female characters, the entire existence of one was to show how evil the bad guy really was because he wanted to (and did) have sex with her and use her even though she was in love with someone else.

At one point in the movie, I turned to Brian and asked, "Why don't any of the girls get to have any swashbuckling fun?"

He wasn't able to give me a satisfactory answer.

And it bothered me. Why were almost all of the women in that film sexual objects? Why couldn't they have their own adventure--or help the men in their adventure? What sort of message does this teach young girls, when all they see in books, movies, and TV shows are women who are sexual objects?

Because women are SO much more than that and we're capable of so much more than that. I want my nieces and my little sisters and (one day) my daughters to be able to see examples of women who are strong and proactive in their own right in the media they consume. I want the girls and women in my life to see Hermione Grangers and Luna Lovegoods and Katniss Everdeens. I want them to see that they can be strong and smart and capable.

I want the girls and women in my life to know that they have value outside of what society tells them. That they are daughters of God and that gives them infinite worth.

I want the men and boys in my life to know that just because something is marketed towards women or appears "girly" or "feminine," that it is not somehow less than things that are marketed to men. That all the books and movies and TV shows that I love that are about the experiences of women and girls STILL HAVE MERIT and that it is not a shameful thing to like those things.

I want my nieces to grow up in a world where people are taught not to rape rather than to not get raped. I want a world where they are safe and where people will stand beside the survivors of sexual assault instead of blaming them and shaming them. I want my nephews to grow up in a world where they understand the power and strength that their sisters have and I want my nephews to be the sorts of boys (and men) who will stand up for girls (and women) when they see that power and strength being mocked and belittled.

I want the women in my life to know that they are more than just their bodies. Their worth doesn't lie in their appearance or their sexuality. They are daughters of God. They have minds and ideas worth sharing and they have wonderful bodies (no matter the shape) that will help them cultivate those ideas.

I want to feel that the choice to be a stay-at-home mom is one I make because I wanted it and not because it's what I'm "supposed to do." I want women to feel empowered in the choices they make and that, whether they have a career outside the home or not, they are doing what the love, that they're cultivating their talents, that they're actively striving to be the best version of themselves.

For me, that's what feminism is. It's the ideology where we create the best possible world for ourselves, for our daughters and sisters and nieces and friends--and also for our sons and brothers and nephews.

Communication Fail

So I have a cold right now (gross) and I want to tell the world that tiny chickens have invaded my head, but I know hardly anyone would understand me.

No one understands me.

Except for, you know, all the people who do. Which is probably a lot.

But if you want to understand what I mean about tiny chickens, see the videos below.

And also this one:

Also, the fact that I can click the youtube icon on the the "insert video" button on blogger and SEARCH VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE FROM BLOGGER is really cool.

A little bit profound (and a little bit not)

So I was just reading through some of my old blog posts (mostly because I've been at work for four and a half hours and there is no one at the library for me to assist), and I was impressed by some of the things I'd written.

I thought to myself "Dang, girl, you're pretty profound."

At which point I also realized "Dang, girl, you're also conceited."

I'm dating a member of a boy band

This morning, I was sleeping. Which is what I like to do in the morning. Especially since I've started my internship at CF, I've been having to wake up early most of the week. Thursdays are my day off. I don't work, I don't intern. I pretty much do whatever I want (like go look at baby ducks at the duck pond for a half hour) on Thursdays, which make them awesome.

My favorite things to on Thursdays is to sleep till 9:30 or 10:00 in the morning. That's my favorite time to wake up.

With that in mind, I was particularly dismayed when I got a text this morning at 7:55. I was happily dreaming (spy dreams--my favorite) and my phone buzzed, which always wakes me up. I rolled over and grabbed my phone. I had a text from Julie.

Julie: So have you heard of that boy band one direction? They were on the x factor last year i think?

I had heard of One Direction. They're a British boy band, modeled after the smash hit boy bands of the late 90s. Only better, I think. If you're unfamiliar with them, here's one of their more popular songs:


Me: Yes. And it's too early to be testing me. [editorial note: for the sake of realism, I am including my misspelling. Let that be a testament to how NOT happy I was to be texting when I should have been sleeping.]

I hovered around the edge of consciousness for a few minutes to see if Julie would reply.  I was a little curious as to why she'd be so excited about a boy band this early in the morning. She did.

Julie: Sorry. I forget how early I've been getting up. Just wondering if you were aware that brian is one of the band's members? Check fb when you're awake enough :)

Knowing that Julie had now safely passed on her message and would no longer be bothering me, I rolled over and went back to my spy dream until I woke up around 10 this morning. I laid in bed for a bit, just doing my thing (ie I was being lazy) and then I happened to remember the text that Julie had sent me about Brian being in a boy band. Curious, I grabbed my laptop and logged on to facebook. Julie had posted a picture on my wall.

Pay particular close attention the boy second from the left. His name is Louis Tomlinson. For those of you who have met Brian, do you see it?

If not, here's a bigger picture:

Do you see it now? Brian finds the resemblance so uncanny that he told me if he didn't know better, he would have thought this was a picture of him from a few years ago. He's even wearing a skinny tie (which is Brian's preferred type of tie).

For those of you who haven't met Brian, here are a few pictures of you to get the general idea. These are from freshman year because Brian isn't terribly fond of getting his picture taken, and it's only thanks to Emma's perseverance as resident photographer that we have any photographic footage of his existence.

This is the picture Julie thought looked most like
the guy from One Direction

His hair is short in this one, but look at their noses! So similar!

This one you get the hair

That's Brian on the right (ie not the trumpet player)

Let's not forget this one

I mean, let's face it. If Brian regularly Bieber-sweeped his hair like he used to (he told me his hair was much better kept freshman year), he could totally be the same guy.

Which makes me wonder: does my boyfriend have a secret life? Is he really a British pop singer in a boy band and he's just pretending to be an American college student to lay low from his adoring fans? It's totally possible, I think.I mean, Louis is the oldest member of One Direction by two years. He could totally be living a secret life.

And until I know otherwise, I'm going to say he is. So until further notice, I'm dating a member of a boy band.

A Note on Feminism

Today I was stalking McKenna's facebook, and I found this link: http://the-whiteleys.blogspot.com/2012/04/what-it-means-to-be-feminist.html. I read it. I was impressed with this woman's eloquence on the subject. I agreed with her opinions and her rationale and her fears for her children.

And then I read the comments. Most of the people commenting on her blog were intelligent, supportive people. People who realize that men and women are different, but we should be given the same opportunity to make the same wages, to work the same jobs. To go out into the world and do what makes us happy.

And some people were not supportive, intelligent people. (Okay, maybe they were intelligent, but they definitely weren't supportive). Now, none of these people were advocating a return to Victorian social structures, but they definitely thought the "feminism" issue was just a bunch of women complaining about things.

That second group of people, they made me kind of angry and upset. They said things like if women don't get paid as much as men, than they should say something. They should be as vocal as men about what they want. They said things like men are naturally more violent because they have more testosterone in their bodies. While I won't deny that that's true, I don't think men should be held blameless for violence because of a hormonal imbalance. They said things like women are just as much to blame for the sexualization and objectification of women in the media because we perpetuate these stereotypes among ourselves. They said things like girls should just be able to ignore the message sent to them by the media and believe in themselves--especially if they're parents have raised them the right way.

This bothered me. It bothered me quite a bit, actually. Especially that bit about the media and parenting. I won't hesitate to say that my parents are astounding and wonderful and mind-boggling awesome people. I think all of my siblings will agree with me that that's true. And as much as my parents have raised me to be strong and independent and to love myself, I still can't ignore the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) messages that media is inundated with. I think it's probably safe to say that I'm not the only one of my sisters who feels this way, either. Society has presented women with a standard and quite frankly told us if we don't reach that standard, then we are somehow inferior and that we should try everything to reach that standard.

Regardless of how well my parents have raised me, I still have to contend with that. I still wear make-up to hide facial blemishes because women are supposed to have flawless skin. I still wear clothes that are uncomfortable because that's what society has told me is okay to wear. I sometimes worry that I'm too smart and that somehow makes me unqualified for romantic relationships. I sometimes worry that the fact that I want to have a career as a writer and that sometimes I think I don't ever want to have children makes me a bad Mormon woman.

I believe that gender is an eternal principle and that men and women have been given differences for a reason. I don't want to be a man. And I don't want men to be women. I like the fact that I can be emotional, that I'm genetically inclined to be more nurturing. I like the fact that my body has curves and that I appreciate beautiful things and that I literally cannot handle the cuteness of baby ducks. I like the fact that my hands are smaller and more dexterous than a man's. I like the fact that, while my upper body strength is somewhat lacking, I have legs that are strong and powerful and can take me places. I like the fact that my mind is a jumbled mess and that I can't compartmentalize my life as easily as men can and that I my mind can be everywhere at once. I like the fact that I can look at my sister or one of my friends and be able to communicate with body language that continues to befuddle the men I know.

I like all these things. I think they're good. I don't think that they make me any less than a man.

I'm going to honest (and a little conceited) here: as far as women go, I think I'm pretty solidly on the side of "strong" and "independent." When I was in high school, even though I realized that a lot of the boys I knew were intimidated by the fact that I was smart (what an odd thing to be intimidated by, anyway), I never once was tempted to "dumb myself down" to get attention from the opposite sex. The thought never even crossed my mind. I knew who I was. Other people could take it or leave it. I haven't ever thought that I needed a man in my life to make me happy. I do have a man in my life now and he does make me happy, but I could be happy without him. My sense of self-worth isn't grounded in what he or anyone else thinks of me.

But at the same time, I know there are girls and women out there who don't feel that way, and it kind of breaks my heart a little. Bethany and I have talked on several occasions about how we both feel very strongly about this issue, and since Bethany and I both plan to have a wide net of influence (her through her acting and me through my writing), we've talked about what we can do to help girls learn how to be happy by themselves. The world needs the influence of bright, intelligent women who can command respect and teach others how to respect themselves. The world needs women to be role models for young girls, to teach them that they are just as smart and capable as the boys they know. And the world needs role models for those boys--to teach them that girls are just as good, that being able to have feelings is a blessing not a curse, that one of the most important qualities in a man is his ability to respect others.

I realize that this post is mostly just me rambling and I hope you're okay with that. I just wanted to get my thoughts on the matter out there. In the end, I guess I believe we're all just people. Beautiful, flawed, imperfect people and I think we should all be treated as such.

It Doesn't Make Sense

So I was very fortunate in that I was offered an internship with the lovely people at Cedar Fort Inc. They're about a fifteen minute drive on the highway from where I live. As I don't have a car, I figured I could make use of my local transit authority (ie I'd take the bus to and from every day).

I got online to check what the bus schedules/fare would be like only I discovered that the bus that goes south from Provo (where I live) to Springville (where Cedar Fort is) only available between 5 and 6 in the evening and the bus that goes north from Springville to Provo is only available in the wee hours of the morning.

Now I'm sure this is great for all the kids who live south of Provo but go to school at BYU or UVU. The bus runs on a perfect schedule for them. For kids who need to travel in the opposite direction for any reason? Not so much.

But honestly, it doesn't make sense to me that you have a bus route that doesn't go in both directions in the morning and in the evening.

Back to the transportation drawing board...