And then I read the comments. Most of the people commenting on her blog were intelligent, supportive people. People who realize that men and women are different, but we should be given the same opportunity to make the same wages, to work the same jobs. To go out into the world and do what makes us happy.
And some people were not supportive, intelligent people. (Okay, maybe they were intelligent, but they definitely weren't supportive). Now, none of these people were advocating a return to Victorian social structures, but they definitely thought the "feminism" issue was just a bunch of women complaining about things.
That second group of people, they made me kind of angry and upset. They said things like if women don't get paid as much as men, than they should say something. They should be as vocal as men about what they want. They said things like men are naturally more violent because they have more testosterone in their bodies. While I won't deny that that's true, I don't think men should be held blameless for violence because of a hormonal imbalance. They said things like women are just as much to blame for the sexualization and objectification of women in the media because we perpetuate these stereotypes among ourselves. They said things like girls should just be able to ignore the message sent to them by the media and believe in themselves--especially if they're parents have raised them the right way.
This bothered me. It bothered me quite a bit, actually. Especially that bit about the media and parenting. I won't hesitate to say that my parents are astounding and wonderful and mind-boggling awesome people. I think all of my siblings will agree with me that that's true. And as much as my parents have raised me to be strong and independent and to love myself, I still can't ignore the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) messages that media is inundated with. I think it's probably safe to say that I'm not the only one of my sisters who feels this way, either. Society has presented women with a standard and quite frankly told us if we don't reach that standard, then we are somehow inferior and that we should try everything to reach that standard.
Regardless of how well my parents have raised me, I still have to contend with that. I still wear make-up to hide facial blemishes because women are supposed to have flawless skin. I still wear clothes that are uncomfortable because that's what society has told me is okay to wear. I sometimes worry that I'm too smart and that somehow makes me unqualified for romantic relationships. I sometimes worry that the fact that I want to have a career as a writer and that sometimes I think I don't ever want to have children makes me a bad Mormon woman.
I believe that gender is an eternal principle and that men and women have been given differences for a reason. I don't want to be a man. And I don't want men to be women. I like the fact that I can be emotional, that I'm genetically inclined to be more nurturing. I like the fact that my body has curves and that I appreciate beautiful things and that I literally cannot handle the cuteness of baby ducks. I like the fact that my hands are smaller and more dexterous than a man's. I like the fact that, while my upper body strength is somewhat lacking, I have legs that are strong and powerful and can take me places. I like the fact that my mind is a jumbled mess and that I can't compartmentalize my life as easily as men can and that I my mind can be everywhere at once. I like the fact that I can look at my sister or one of my friends and be able to communicate with body language that continues to befuddle the men I know.
I like all these things. I think they're good. I don't think that they make me any less than a man.
I'm going to honest (and a little conceited) here: as far as women go, I think I'm pretty solidly on the side of "strong" and "independent." When I was in high school, even though I realized that a lot of the boys I knew were intimidated by the fact that I was smart (what an odd thing to be intimidated by, anyway), I never once was tempted to "dumb myself down" to get attention from the opposite sex. The thought never even crossed my mind. I knew who I was. Other people could take it or leave it. I haven't ever thought that I needed a man in my life to make me happy. I do have a man in my life now and he does make me happy, but I could be happy without him. My sense of self-worth isn't grounded in what he or anyone else thinks of me.
But at the same time, I know there are girls and women out there who don't feel that way, and it kind of breaks my heart a little. Bethany and I have talked on several occasions about how we both feel very strongly about this issue, and since Bethany and I both plan to have a wide net of influence (her through her acting and me through my writing), we've talked about what we can do to help girls learn how to be happy by themselves. The world needs the influence of bright, intelligent women who can command respect and teach others how to respect themselves. The world needs women to be role models for young girls, to teach them that they are just as smart and capable as the boys they know. And the world needs role models for those boys--to teach them that girls are just as good, that being able to have feelings is a blessing not a curse, that one of the most important qualities in a man is his ability to respect others.
I realize that this post is mostly just me rambling and I hope you're okay with that. I just wanted to get my thoughts on the matter out there. In the end, I guess I believe we're all just people. Beautiful, flawed, imperfect people and I think we should all be treated as such.
Very well said. Thanks for sharing.
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