A Work In Progress

This past Wednesday, I had the fabulous opportunity to listen to a full-time writer and a full-time web cartoonist talk about their work and take questions from my class about the business of writing and anything else in the universe.

At the end of the discussion, someone brought up the idea of fear and its influence on art. They joked for a bit and talked about how fear can be a powerful motivating force. "Remember that food services job you had in high school?" they said.

I nodded. I remember Acme Fresh Market all too well.

"Well every time you don't want to write in the morning, remember how much that job sucked and how awful it would be to have to go back to that. The fear of that future should be enough to at least get you to start writing."

But then the discussion turned to a little more of a serious note. Howard the web-cartoonist said, "I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that this applies to everyone. The bad news it that you suck."

He was blunt and he was straight forward, and those words sank into my bones. Howard and Dan (the full-time writer) talked about everyone starts out bad. No matter what you do or what you're learning, you're going to be bad--terrible, even--in the beginning. There's really no helping it. That's just the nature of things.

"The key," they said, "is to not be afraid of not being good. Always remind yourself: I am a work in progress."

And those words sank deep into my heart. I am a work in progress and I am the only one stupid enough to expect that I should be perfect now.

Sometimes things are rough and raw. Sometimes I feel that I am falling apart, that I'm being swallowed up in a cloud of chaos. Sometimes I stand on the precipice of a new phase in my life and I'm just so damned (sorry Mom and Dad) scared of what's coming next that I throw myself to the ground and dig my fingers into the dirt until they're raw and bleeding.

But I am a work in progress. I don't have to be finished and polished right now. I don't have to be in control of everything all the time, and sometimes it's okay to be scared. Sometimes it's okay to cling to the ground for a little until you're ready to face the precipice of newness. You just have to take a deep breath and remind yourself: It will be okay. Everything will be okay.

Maybe things aren't going to be what you want them to be. Maybe they'll be better and you just won't know it till later.